Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize