I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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