garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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