I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
