i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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