I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
