3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
