She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
