she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
