Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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