I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dick very happy bro
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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