I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
