I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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