i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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