I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
