I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
