i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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