I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize