You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
