i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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