He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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