i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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