last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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