the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
