I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
