dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i've created a new STD.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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