OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
