I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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