I feel like I'm in dance class right now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
