Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
