hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
