Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
