I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
