he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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