Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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