i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
