Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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