walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
