I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
