I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
