I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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