...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
