I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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