bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
