I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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