Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They have beer where we have blood.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize