i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
