I am in a vortex of obligation.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
