holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
