you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
