She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
