So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
