I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
vagina is talking i cant
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
