he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
