it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
