We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
