Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
