Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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