Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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