It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
