He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
