i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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