When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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