doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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