Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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