Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
