we're blogging at a bar
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
