If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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