just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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